If there’s one thing I’ve learned from the last 5 years at CMJ, it’s tat you can’t be everywhere at once…unless, of course, you’re an energetic intern. Enter Intern R, a snappy lad who assists the bigwigs at a New York City promotional marketing firm and clearly hasn’t slept in almost a week. His report was just too thorough (and too funny) to compete with:

Deerhunter rocked when I caught them at the Bowery. They have a new bite that most new indie bands lack. The singer has an incredible stage presence and uses an abundance of tasteful vocal effects generated from a pedal board loaded with assorted guitar/vocal processors and whathaveyou.

MP3: Deerhunter - Wash Off

St Vincent, WOW. The CD is a complete cop-out to her live performance. I think that just about everyone in the room that night was “holy shit.” the entire time. Annie has these absolutely intense, complex, and gifted rock outs I’ve never witnessed first hand. From her guitar work to the way she moves this was an absolute A+ show. She uses an array of pedal effects and two mics, one of which has a AM radio-esque tonal quality to blend her use of operatic vocalization and traditional fairy-like singing.

Bowerbirds did not have the same effect on most of the audience as they did on me. But I love that homely, warm (as if you were sitting in on a practice on their back patio) type of thing. So I think they are a great show to attend.

Papercuts - Meh. Kind of boring. Kind of like Spoon for dull people. Kind of like Phantom Planet without the catchy singalongs.

Ha!! “Spoon for dull people!” More of Intern R’s curious insights, including Black Kids the band, black kids in tight pants, trying to get Yo Majesty topless, and how the weirdos in His Name Is Alive can really up your game…all after the jump.

M.I.A. was wild. This show was a lot of fun. Damn the venue [Terminal 5] though. It’s like a nightclub for all of the kids who you didn’t like in High School. This night it was alright though because M.I.A pulled a cool crowd. A LOT of dancing.

The Cool Kids opened up… Black kids, trying to be the Beastie Boys, rapping about how they wear tight pants and ride bikes. Excellent DJ however, and definitely kind of funny.

I saw MGMT alone at the Crash Mansion. Man, this venue blows. The ceiling is too low, the sound sucks, it’s overcrowded. Would’ve been a great performance but it was totally dulled by the venue.

Owen opened for Kevin Devine in Park Slope on Saturday night and nearly brought my soul to tears. This guy has it all, plays beautiful acoustic guitar and sings very well, his lyrics are quite blunt but in the right way… an awesome performer. Kept asking the crowd “so how are you guys doing?” really cool guy.

MP3: Owen - Places to Go

His Name Is Alive, I nearly forgot about this one. She is bizarre. Just the odd looks from this girl allowed me to have an hour long conversation with the clearly out of my league girl standing next to me. We couldn’t stop talking about her hands and her eyes.

MP3: His Name Is Alive - Go To Hell Mountain

Yo Majesty was wild. Especially at the Cakeshop where she took her water bottle and swung it around with no cap so the whole audience could have the divine pleasure of being splashed by her backwash. Unfortunately, unlike my boss, I did not get to see her with her top off.

Thanks, Intern R. The verdict is in, and you’ve got a bright future as hated Internet personality!

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